w i d e _ a w a k e _ and ___ d r e a m i n g

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 17:09:38 GMT

ATTN: NEW JOURNAL. _mybrokenheart
ADD IT KAY? BYE.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 15:38:06 GMT

I'm so fucking happy right now. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Leah, and Vickie. And Derek too. I FUCKING LOVE EVERYONE. God I'm so gay. I had to get that out. kthxbye.

gg

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 06:11:26 GMT

haha andrew came to NY. just as leah and i suspected. we were dancin and laughing the whole time. later on we smokeddd. well, andrew tristan and i smoked. not leah haha, never. IM FUCKING SMART WHEN I SMOKE. i'm like a philosopher. even ask leah. but anyway.

fun day todayyyy. i went to village streetwear with leah. we tried on madd clothes and took gay pictures. then it was off to the mall. then we took the train to dunkin donuts. yo i mooned the train passing by us, and some fucking creepy 45 year old dude saw my ass and was like "WOAH. YOU HAVE A NICE HINEY" and i've never felt like... idk in my life. it wasn't a pleasent feeling. it was creepy. WHO THE FUCK SAYS HINEY ANYWAY WTF!? but anyhow. yeah we went back to leah's then and then uhh. yeah haha talked for hours. i love leah <3 you can see pics of us in her lj, niggazzz.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|	16%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|	16%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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WHAT i always WANTED ..

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 08:12:08 GMT

break's going pretty good, except for the fact my eye is swollen. it'll heal up in a few days. i got to smoke with andrew the other day haha. fun. but yo.

i really miss the old days. i'm sitting here at 3 AM blasting kittie and reminiscing. i really wanna go to a show. last one i went to was motion city sound track with nikki <3 i'm afriad to mosh but i wanna try. hey, if i can try drugs, why not jump in a pit of raging, thrashing teenagers?

i thought i found
what I always wanted

=O

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 16:34:46 GMT

hmmm. i was gonna update before but i forgot what i had to say, haha. i got a new rat. he's so adorable, tan with black eyes. <3 my mom said he looks like a chester. maybe that's what i'll call him. though the name chester is kind of gay.

i can't wait until fucking break. yeah so it's like 3 days long, but i wanna do as much stupid shit as i can. on thursday i get to smoke with steve and andrew. =] i haven't seen andrew in a while, since uh.. this certain person got drunk and threw up all over herself. anyway, yeah. i'll update as soon as some interesting things happen.

...

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 15:24:49 GMT

meh. i'm not into updating much anymore cause half the shit i write i have my hopes up about things, then i read it later on and i feel sick. things aren't great, but they aren't too bad either. it's alright. i miss a few people and a few things. hopefully it'll get better.

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 02:11:12 GMT

My brother's on a ski trip for a few days. Honestly, I miss him. =/ It's not the same around here without him, despite our constant fighting. I miss a few people, actually. Leah, Derek and Jen. And uh, I know it may sound ridiculous, but I'm not gonna update for a while, see how things go. Er, I'm not gonna say why. I'm just dumb, haha.

I'm lying to myself and this dagger is my excuse

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 02:16:12 GMT

Things are looking up. =] Went to Frindlies with Leah the other day. We took maddd flickaz. I'll upload em later when my phone works again. I was gonna go to Steve's for the SuperBowl, but he threw up. =/ I despise football, but since Derek and I aren't at any SuperBowl parties, we're having our own, cause we're cool like that.

a perfectly shitty day.

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 04:21:29 GMT

Yeah. So much for being on time. Other than taking my brother's Adderall, talking in a romanian accent and getting all my late school work done, today was horrible. The cops came to school. Why? They were looking for me. Here's the story, copied from a convo with Leah.

x O fuqqable (10:27:32 PM): Okay. I woke up. Thought it was going to be a good day. Thought I was gonna be on time. I look at the clock, and it's like 8:30. And I'm like FUCK. I was so pissed. So I get ready for school, put my clothes on. My mom was like WTF WHY AREN'T YOU COOPERATING, I'M CALLING THE COPS ON YOU. And I'm like wtf that's crazy, I'm getting ready to go to school! And she's like I want them to take you away, or FORCE you to go to school. So. She goes to the phone, starts to dial so I unplug it. Guard the disconnected phone line. She comes over and pushes me, I hit the ground. So I kicked her back. So she has Alex ( her BF) go outside and call the cops.

x O fuqqable (10:27:38 PM): Telling them to come to our apartment. So. My mom's like, they're on there way. And I laughed and I was like, Lmao. Too bad I won't be here when they get to our apartment. So I just grabbed my shit and burst out the door in tears.

x O fuqqable (10:29:16 PM): I ran to school. It was 5 degrees out, heh. I got there and I was still crying. And it was weird. Like it was meant to be. I was in the hall, and Sal was there. Idk. It was so weird how he was there at that exact moment when I needed him. So he holds me and kisses me and I'm all crying. So I feel better, go to 5th period.

x O fuqqable (10:31:53 PM): then I get called down to the office. Everyone's buzzing about how cops were pounding at the door near Mr. Adler's room. So I'm walking through the halls and people see me crying. 3 cops and Mr. Ragon were waiting in the office. And I was just hysterical as they told me I could've been arrested and that I could get sent to a foster home. One cop was being nice to me, while the other was a complete dick. My eyes kept darting to clock cause I was nervous and wanted to leave. And the cop's like WTF ARE YOU STARING AT THE CLOCK FOR!? And the nice's one's like, Calm down, she's just nervous that's all. Then one stupid cop was standing in the back doing nothing but looking important. --; So yeah. The cop's like Oh if you didn't run to school and you ran away, all of nassau county would be looking for you.

x O fuqqable (10:32:02 PM): It turns out. That when the cops came to my apartment.

x O fuqqable (10:32:13 PM): they originally came cause I "refused to go to school" right?

x O fuqqable (10:32:23 PM): Well. When they came, that's not what my mom told them.

x O fuqqable (10:32:31 PM): I mean, she wasn't gonna be like.

x O fuqqable (10:32:40 PM): Oh yeah my daughter wont go to school.

x O fuqqable (10:32:43 PM): Cause I was already there.

x O fuqqable (10:32:47 PM): I left.

mr mr yronfire (10:32:48 PM): what'd she tell them?

x O fuqqable (10:33:19 PM): So. She told them that I got so mad that I became violent, and kicked her and stomed out of the house.

x O fuqqable (10:35:05 PM): And the cops were showing me some fucking report. Like oh look it says right here you kicked her out of anger. And I was like Uh, did she tell you she pushed me on the ground first? And they're like yeah okay, we know you hit her. WTF. So they're telling me it better stop. or they'll send me away to stay at some place for the night, and that if I'm "smoking weed" or "doing drugs" that I can be tested and make things even worse formyself. So Mr. Ragon talks to me after they leave. I'm still crying.

x O fuqqable (10:35:06 PM): And fucking

x O fuqqable (10:35:09 PM): He's such an idiot.

x O fuqqable (10:35:17 PM): You know how in the Breakfast club.

x O fuqqable (10:35:31 PM): Allision's like one of her quotes is like, "When you grow up, your heart dies."?

x O fuqqable (10:35:44 PM): *Allison's

mr mr yronfire (10:35:56 PM):</b> yep

x O fuqqable (10:35:58 PM): Yeah.

x O fuqqable (10:36:01 PM): I wrote that on my binder.

x O fuqqable (10:36:07 PM): And Mr. Ragon went to my class to get my binder.

x O fuqqable (10:36:12 PM): and he read it on the way back/

x O fuqqable (10:36:31 PM): And he's like. OH. What is this crap? When you grow up your heart dies? What're you depressed or something?

x O fuqqable (10:36:37 PM): And I was like WTF

x O fuqqable (10:36:40 PM): It's from a movie

mr mr yronfire (10:36:40 PM): that sounds like my dad.

mr mr yronfire (10:36:44 PM): hahahaha

x O fuqqable (10:36:45 PM): and he's like yeah what movie?

x O fuqqable (10:36:56 PM): and I was like Uh, the Breakfast Club. And he just gave me a dirty look.

mr mr yronfire (10:37:02 PM): hahaha wtf!

x O fuqqable (10:37:06 PM): Idk! He's an idiot.

x O fuqqable (10:37:09 PM): then he gave me that whole

mr mr yronfire (10:37:15 PM):</b> tell him to go find a rainbow and dig up a pot of gold and stfu

x O fuqqable (10:37:42 PM): "Katelynn, I think you're a bright girl and you have a bright future ahead, you can control it its not too late." Then he's like, Oh if you ended up in Nassau it would upset me because I know you're above that level.

x O fuqqable (10:37:45 PM): trying to be fucking nice to me.

x O fuqqable (10:37:48 PM): to get me to like him

mr mr yronfire (10:37:57 PM): oh please.

mr mr yronfire (10:38:02 PM): and my mom went to nassau.

x O fuqqable (10:38:04 PM): Lmao he prob says that to everyone.

x O fuqqable (10:38:09 PM): Like at the dentist.

x O fuqqable (10:38:12 PM): When the dentist is like.

x O fuqqable (10:38:17 PM): Oohhh you're such a good patient! My best.

x O fuqqable (10:38:21 PM): You know the dentist says that shit to everyone.

x O fuqqable (10:38:29 PM): But yeah.

x O fuqqable (10:38:38 PM): So he was bitching. And like yeah you need intense therapy.

mr mr yronfire (10:38:50 PM): bleh

x O fuqqable (10:38:56 PM): So yeah.

mr mr yronfire (10:39:00 PM): wow

mr mr yronfire (10:39:07 PM): you had an... interesting day i see.

x O fuqqable (10:39:10 PM): Yeah I did.

x O fuqqable (10:39:11 PM): after that

x O fuqqable (10:39:23 PM): I went to guidance for one period, hysterical. Nurse's office for one period, hysterical.

x O fuqqable (10:39:27 PM): I couldnt' stop crying.

x O fuqqable (10:39:33 PM): the tears just kept coming.

x O fuqqable (10:40:36 PM): So finally I stop. Go to lunch, sculpture. I stay after, pick up work. My mom calls to pick me up. And she's like. Oh I got rid of your new computer I bought you. And that made my day even worse. But now she's trying to be all nice. She went back and got my computer back from the store. The same one. And she came home and brought me like makeup and magazines and burger king and she's all omg i'm so sorry it's okay.

x O fuqqable (10:41:12 PM): Meanwhile she's fucking told the cops I kicked her and stormed out of the house in anger.

mr mr yronfire (10:41:56 PM): you guys are way too violent with eachother.

mr mr yronfire (10:41:58 PM): simmer simmer.

x O fuqqable (10:42:11 PM): She also got some like. Protection against me so I can't hit her or I'll be arrested. I dont' want to hit her. I love her. But I think calling the cops, especially when I was cooperating and getting ready for school was going a little too far

mr mr yronfire (10:42:30 PM): yeah it was

x O fuqqable (10:42:37 PM): She was like oh wait for the cops. And she was telling me I have serious problems and belong in South Oaks, and I couldn't take it

mr mr yronfire (10:42:43 PM): but it's all over now.

x O fuqqable (10:42:45 PM): so I was like too bad, I'm leaving.

x O fuqqable (10:42:45 PM): Yeah.

mr mr yronfire (10:42:56 PM): and i thought i had an interesting day

mr mr yronfire (10:42:57 PM): haha

x O fuqqable (10:43:19 PM): Haha. Aww. It was so awesome though. I was so upset. And like. Sal was right there. In the hall. Like out of nowhere. And I was like someone's looking out for me

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 04:47:46 GMT

=/ My journal was gay and delted a few of my entries. But yeah. Just got off the phone with Sal. I'm so happy right now. Sal = happiness. I love not being depressed for once. And of course I love my friends. They make me so happy half the time and they don't even know it. Some people who have made me happy areeeee: Leah, Derek, Vickie, Nikki, Brooke, Tara, Andrew, Justin. <33 I've been going to school lately, which is a good thing. Life isn't so bad.

she said kill me faster

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 06:48:28 GMT

Christmas is sooon. And I only know what I'm getting one person. Fuck. I didn't do much today. =/ I skipped school and slept all day. I was bored, and had the sudden urge to pierce my upper right ear. Wasn't that bad. It kinda creeped me out when I felt the safey pin break through skin and cartiledge. After that I went to Tara's and chilled with her and Scotty. Came home and decided to pierce myself again. I gave my lobes second holes. I have 6 piercings total, now. n.n

I get to see my dad tomorrow. Haha, I'm sure he'll love my new piercings. Eh, what's he gonna do? Rip em out? I don't think so. My ears are so sore. Idk how I'm gonna sleep. We'll find out now. <3 I'll write more laterrr.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 03:39:55 GMT

Eh. Don't have that much to write. =/ Christmas is gonna blow massive cock this year. I was suppossed to see MoPo tonight but my mom was a complete bitch. We got into this huge fight and yeah. But whatever. Things aren't too bad, other than that.

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 23:54:52 GMT

Yeah, I haven't updated in a while. Things are looking better, and I'm happy for once. Well, a few things still bother me but overall I'm really happy. As lame as it sounds, I got a 70 on my math test and I'm proud, haha. That's one of the only math tests I passed this year. =/ I'm starting to work harder in school now cause I've fucked things up enough. I'm already taking bio next year, and that class is easy as shit. I gotta stop being absent. I'm working on it though. My day as well as Brooke's got pretty fucked up because of someone, but I'm not in trouble anymore. Things have calmed down. So yeah. I'll update when more interesting shit happens. <3

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 20:30:37 GMT

Yeah. Still sick. And depressed. But I did it to myself. It's been doctor after doctor. You meet some really nice people. At the deli, the guy who worked there heard me coughing and gave me some soup and told me it would make me feel better. He gave my mom free coffee too. Then there was this cute old lady in CVS. Had to get chest x-rays. It was scary. In the waiting room, there was this old woman with lonnnnng black hair in a wheelchair. Her eyelids were flipped inside out and she kept turning her head all around and flipping her hair and pulling on it. I felt so bad.. Yet I was creeped out. Well. Yeah. That's about it. If anyone wants to read this.

it's about coming up, and staying on top, screaming 187 on a motherfucking cop

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 05:04:29 GMT

Yeah, Saturday didn't go along well in the begining. I was SUPPOSSED to go to Justin's but my mom is a lieing bitch who just tells me lies and gets my hopes up to keep me quiet. She ended up getting a kick to the stomach. After the whole incident, I ended up going to Brooke's house. <333 We chilled with Tim, Tom, Rob and Lauren for a while and eventually it was just Brooke Tom and I in the basement for a while. Haha we did weirdddd shit. Braiding armpit hair hahaa. They're so cute together. Derek and I made a VERY interesting discovery today ahaha. I'm actually starting to feel better. =) Things are looking up despite certain circumstances. I need sleep, badly. Its becoming unhealthy.. Update you all later <3

substance induced ranting.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 04:30:38 GMT

=/ I'm still emo. My relationship with my mom hasn't been exactly the greatest, and a lot of things just aren't working out. School - being one of them. And I'm incredibly lonely. No, I am not desperate. I mean, as far I know, and am told, there are guys who "want me" but it's just for sex. I mean, yeah, everyone wants to have a little fun. It's just, who would want a relationship based on nothing but sex? Unless you're fuckbuddies. That's a different story.

Nevertheless, I just want someone to love me for who I am and to hold me and always be there for me. It just has to feel right. Thank god for friends. Besides getting support from my other darling friends, I've been hanging out with Brooke (1 and 2), Rob and Tom lately. <3 Brooke (2) feels the same way about a lot of things as I do, and she helped me out with something she's gone through before. <3 Brooke and Rob, haha they're way too adorable. And yes, Happy Birthday Jen!!

Yet another birthday is almost here. Thursday is Ski's birthday and we're going to Benihana's together. Haha, I've gone there before. Hopefully I don't get whacked in the face with a piece of dead shrimp again. Friday, hopefully things will be looking up we'll have to see..
Saturday, hopefully I will be able to visit Justin. No, not that Justin. I'll update later.

hold on to me ....

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 23:57:48 GMT

Fixed up my lj. The old layout was getting on my nerves. I don't know if I like this layout though. I need people to comment on it. The lyrics are all by Kittie <3

Meh, but lately I've been emo. I feel like I just keep fucking everything up, especially in school. They want to send me upstate, AGAIN. They said they would last year, but they never did. They claim that they're serious this year. Whatever. I'd like to say thanks to Andrew, and Mags who made me feel a lot better yesterday. Vickie too. <3 My love life, has been uh. Intersting. I've been hooking up with people left and right. Within the last month or so, I've hooked up with 4 people. Eh, I'm not used to it but whatever. I'll update later when some interesting stuff happens.

I'm falling down below..

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 05:27:09 GMT

*The \\*
Last Cigarette:	A few weeks ago.. Gross.
Last Alcoholic Drink:	Earlier today, vodka.
Last Car Ride:	Today, driving home from Manny's.
Last Kiss:	Megan
Last Good Cry:	Can't remember, honestly.
Last Library Book:	Uh.. I don't remember either.
Last book bought:	Idk..
Last Book Read:	Kama Sutra
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	Harry Potter 3
Last Movie Rented:	The Lizzie McGuire Movie. (Heheheh..)
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	Fuck.
Last Beverage Drank:	Coke.
Last Food Consumed:	Macaroni and Cheese.
Last Crush:	Sal.. still is my crush.
Last Phone Call:	Monica.
Last TV Show Watched:	The Anna Nicole Show.
Last Time Showered:	This morning at Monica's.
Last Shoes Worn:	Pink Playboy Sandals
Last CD Played:	Led Zeppelin
Last Item Bought:	A Lemon Snapple.
Last Download:	That picture of Taylor in the skirt.
Last Annoyance:	Brother. He wouldn't STFU.
Last Disappointment:	Coming home to find we STILL don't have our DSL service back.
Last Soda Drank:	Coke.
Last Thing Written:	Kate
Last Key Used:	D
Last Words Spoken:	Last Words Spoken.
Last Sleep:	A nap at Manny's house.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	Cookie Dough!
Last Chair Sat In:	Kitchen chair.
Last Webpage Visited:	My LJ
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w i d e ___ a w a k e ___ and ___ d r e a m i n g

gg